I was just thinking how I don’t post very regularly. Then I start feeling really bad, like I was neglecting my tumblr (even though I read everyone elses every single day. lurker? probably) So anyways, I love you tumblr, I really do :D
Dress rehearsal was pretty fantastic.
I’m running on an excitement high and probably won’t get much sleep.
Stumbleupon, here I come!
I apologize in advance for millions of posts that I think are really funny, and I apologize for them being really really ridiculous.
Some people shouldn’t read my tumblr if they’re going to be obnoxious about it.
It’s my outlet, not some secret confessional of how I want to kill myself.
I’m actually a really happy person all the time, and I only write in this when I’m either really bored or really mad.
Everyone has those times, and thats why every tumblr xanga livejournal twitter etc. are either always really depressing, really angry, and have a little bit of humor thrown in when there’s nothing else to do.
I promise I’m not suicidal. I’m actually not even angry the whole time I write some of my angry posts because this is what I call
On another note, I’m bout ta get my tan on. Hai summer.
I have to knock on wood 3 times or else it won’t work
I look at people and wonder what their day is like and what it feels like to be them. This often leads to prolonged staring and some pretty strange looks back. Oh well.
I am so very easily fascinated by anything and everything. I can drive down the same road for 18 years and still find beauty and be taken aback by it. Same goes for houses, animals, television shows, people, etc.
For some reason I feel that I, not anyone else, should have access to anything and everything such as important government secrets and behind-the-scenes tours of news stations or movies or concerts. I don’t know why I think that anyone would say “oh yeah okay come on in!” Maybe it’s just foreshadowing the future? I can hope.
I like the look of paragraphs. I get kind of upset when I have to double-space a paper because then it just looks elementary. Sometimes I compromise with 1.5 spacing, because then the lines are still kind of close.
There can never ever be anything without a partner or else I get upset. I have 2 chapsticks in my pocket, 2 hair ties on my wrist, if there’s a pen and a pencil on a table they have to be laying next to each other, I can never have one pocket with just one thing in it. I guess I just fear loneliness, for myself and for others. Oh also I cannot STAND to see someone eating in a restaurant or elsewhere by themselves. It sincerely breaks my heart.
I could continue this post for hours but then I won’t have anything to write about ever again.
Foreword: This is pretty much the elaborate version of what I posted earlier. I totally understand if its too much to read. I think I’m going to make it a page link on the side of my Tumblr, if you happen to get bored one rainy day and want to read a long and detailed tumblr post/short novel. This could easily double as an essay. I liked writing it. I hope someone likes reading it. Enjoy.
The last time I remember being with my daddy was when we rode up to Ocean City for the weekend. Or perhaps it was just for a day, I was only 5 so my memory is a bit clouded. We ate cupcakes the whole way there because it was his birthday. I remember walking on the most crowded beach in the entire world littered with a mixture of sand and cigarette butts, and then climbing out on a rocky jetty and seeing the vast ocean before my tiny little eyes. It was okay though, because it was our special trip. Just me and him. We searched for shells and rode a jet ski, eventually retiring back home I suppose, but I don’t really remember ever leaving.
I went to Ocean City on Sunday, not with any thoughts except for wanting to see the boardwalk. Then I saw the jetty. It hit me like a train, almost. I think that I never really grieved, I didn’t know how to. I haven’t accepted it but this, this was something big. I felt like everyone around me was gone, and it was me and my daddy again. I couldn’t hear anything but the ocean and the breeze. I began to see big seashells and I could hear him saying “baby look at this one! how beautiful! there’s no way we can just leave it here, its for you!” I began to walk and I knew he was walking with me, pointing out seashells. It was like our very own trip all over again, but clearly different. I know I was walking with him. I felt sad but at the same time I felt five years old all over again. I definitely didn’t want it to end, but we walked back up to the boardwalk and it was over. I felt so close to him at that moment I can’t even describe it. It was like an incredible longing, yet a secret knowledge that he was there with me and I didn’t want to break the spell or tune in to anything actually happening because then I knew he would be gone.
A few minutes later, Something happened that I only thought was possible in lifetime movies and romantic books. I was sitting on a bench taking pictures of seagulls eating popcorn. So typical, right? Anyways, a man came over and said “hey, why don’t you take pictures of that?” I looked where he was pointing and saw the most beautiful rainbow streaked cloud. Apparently a semi-rare phenomena involving ice crystals or something, I couldn’t tell you what it was really. Everyone was staring. I knew who it was from and that it was specifically for me. I knew it was. It started to fade and I didn’t want it to. I begged in my mind for it to stay because it was like I had to detach all over again. Daddy I’m not ready for it to go yet. But it inevitably faded and I had to hold back tears as I walked further down the boardwalk. I almost got to the point where I couldn’t hold it back any longer, then I heard “it’s back!” Sure enough, the rainbow cloud came back. I laughed and thanked my dad, and I could tell that he didn’t want me to be so upset, so he brought it back for me. I loved it so, it was the best gift I’ve ever gotten. I told him that he could let it go now, and then it faded away forever.
I will never, ever forget that day. I am not a believer in God now, my faith hasn’t suddenly ignited, but I did get something I never thought was possible.
I got a few more special moments with my Daddy. I miss him so much.
I want to take pictures of people excluding their head/face and have them tell me something interesting or just something worth mentioning and then I will post the picture and information on probably tumblr.
I have no doubts in my mind that this will either A- Evolve in to something really cool and very worthwhile, and I will become obsessed with it or B-I will never actually do it and I’ll kick myself when someone else does it first.
Oh well, It’s worth a shot. It’s probably been done before but I want to do it.
Draw your own conclusions if you’d like.
I guess this is what art school has done to me, but I’m not complaining.
I realized that true friends are those that you can have not seen for months and months, or even really talked to that much, and then come back together and still have a great time sans drama and negative people. I forgot what it was like to have a group of really good friends around to just hang out with all the time, and I’m really happy that I have that. It was as if we had seen each other every day for the past year, nothing much has changed, except we have new stories to tell.
I used to hate when people would get all lovey-dovey and say “you don’t understand love until you’ve experienced it” and blah blah blah. Well, I’ve found out that I’ve turned in to that person. I mean, I’m not all smoochywoochy obnoxious love person, but I have definitely noticed that I’m so much happier and everything is so much more positive (except, you know, those few days that we all have where everything sucks) and bright and…well…every cliche you could think of because of this four letter word that means so much.
I have no ties whatsoever to high school anymore. It hit me today: I don’t care. The people I want to stay in touch with, I do. The teachers that have influenced and helped me the most, I have their phone numbers, emails, and I can go visit them individually. Otherwise, I wish to have no affiliation with that place. Of course I’m so proud of everything Wakefield has accomplished and that the President spoke there and all, but I sure as hell won’t be jumping at the chance to be involved in anything or even associate myself with anyone else or anything else at that school.
I really want to start writing down all of my ideas. It’d be cool to see how many people agree with me, understand me, or just think I’m a little tiny bit crazy. I can’t get feedback in my own mind, and if I could, I don’t think I’d be coherent. But that’s for another day.